I just discovered Shabby Apple. It provided a brief distraction from the sea of misery I've been drowning in as of late. It also reminded me that I haven't read Alice in Wonderland or Through the Looking Glass in way too long.
I didn't go to church today. I woke up at 7 on the dot, depressed as usual. Darling sister was in the shower and I freaked out because there wouldn't be enough hot water for me after my mom showered. Then I couldn't find Narnia, but found Layla on my mom's bed so I snuggled up to her because, well, I just needed something fuzzy to love me. She left. So much for that idea. I crawled back into my own bed, contemplated the idea of going to church and gave up because even if I managed to find the will to get ready, I wasn't going to look presentable anyway, and who would miss me and whatever, I just wanted to be left alone. Narnia came and snuggled under the covers for a while, and I slept like the dead for the rest of the morning. The rest of the day brought questionable food choices, the usual Sunday nap on the couch at 3, dinner and an episode of Heroes. Now I'm just killing time until I sleep again.
Needless to say, the idea of putting on a dress was farther away than my chances of winning an Oscar. I'm not wearing a drop of makeup, so I'm splotchy and porous and uneven and just ugly. I used to go out all the time without make up, it's a wonder anyone could stand to look at me. Not that the make up really helps much. I mean, it doesn't give me a new face, just patches up the old one, and that can only take you so far.
I've probably had enough public self-deprecation for one day. Time to go back to bed and hope that the sun isn't shining tomorrow. I'm not in the mood.
