Groundhog Day

23 years ago today, a tiny, black-haired baby poked her head out and tried to predict the weather. I don't remember if she was right or not, I had a cold. Anyway, happy birthday to my little sister!

49 days until my divorce complaint can go before a judge, almost halfway! The time is flying by. In 3 days I will have been home for 4 months. I can't wait for this whole mess to be fully behind me.

There's been some debate in my house on the existence of a truly evil person. Not mentally ill, not naughty, not a chronic bad decision maker, but evil. How do you determine if someone is a bad person? Where do you draw the line between intentionally hurting someone or doing it "accidentally" or for the "greater good?" What qualifies someone as bad or evil? Beats the pants off of me. (Haha, get it? Pants? I'm not wearing pants this year? Pun definitely unintended...moving on)

Everyone I meet is a good person until you give me cause to think otherwise. For most of my life, this method has worked and kept me from suffering at the hands of another. I know that some become trapped in a cycle of abusive relationships, but you have a better chance of me adopting a pet tarantula than going through that again (hi, arachnophobe here). At least tarantulas sold as pets have their venom removed. So how do you avoid it? I don't really trust much of anyone. If I've known you for less than, say...16 or so years, then I probably don't trust you. Not that I think you'll steal from me. No, I don't trust you in the sense that I don't know if you're being emotionally or mentally manipulative.

If that seems harsh, I apologize. But I've been emotionally and mentally ripped to shreds. If you were to ask a certain individual, I am lazy, fat, stupid, worthless and a slew of other words I will not repeat because my mother reads this blog. You get the idea. I've had a bottle broken over my head, my hair pulled, I've been kicked, punched and bitten. I have to say, all of the physical stuff felt way better than the mental stress I was under. I attempted suicide 3 times last summer, just to try to escape. So you'll have to forgive me if I've lost some faith in the human race. I guess that's why I'm seeing a therapist for PTSD.

You've got to be kidding. Hello wedding song. As I type. Oh Pandora, why do you mock me?

Everything about that relationship was a lie. The proposal of marriage was like a cyanide pill covered in chocolate. I don't know about you, but I prefer peanut butter in my chocolate.

Ah, Pandora is making up for it's faux pas with a great song about someone not taking responsibility for their actions.

Today, neutrals and not a stitch of black!

Yesterday...black, white and RED lips :)

Let's talk clothes. June Cleaver is undoubtedly disappointed in me again...bare legs two more days in a row!
 Yesterday I was dressing for comfort; I had a marathon day of shopping with my dad ahead of me. I can't tell you enough how much I love those shoes. Today, after seeing stores full of bright colors, I tried not to wear black, and I succeeded! I love black, anyone could tell you that, but I'm starting to like colors...particularly blue. I find that really strange because I've always hated blue. Oh well. I'm a big kid now.

Thus concludes the Groundhog Day edition of Skirting My Issues. I hope no one minds that I got a little detailed about the past. Remember the movie Groundhog Day? Bill Murray had to relive the same day over and over again until he got it right. Well, I can't push this stuff away, I have to remember it and replay it and learn from it until I get myself right. I wrote this whole thing without a panic attack, so I'd say I'm heading in the right direction.